wanting it both ways

an update, or how not to begin a phd program

an update, or how not to begin a phd program

http://www.tinglealley.com/post/99646852281/right-now-i-feel-half-grieving-witch-half-koko »


Right now I feel half grieving witch, half Koko the week after All Ball died.

Once, after something hard had happened, my friend Danielle said, “I bawled so hard my eyes were like little rat assholes,” and it’s one of the consolations of crying too much to think of that line whenever I look in…

It might be a little too early in the day to cry, but you also ought to read this, and share in Carrie’s articulation of how hard it is to give any shape to certain forms of pain…


i was going through old papers and i found some drawings from that period in high school when i spent all my free time watching movies from the public library, whose film section was probably in the late stages of transition from VHS to DVD, and i was still amazed by how cleanly and easily you could pause a DVD in order to study a face, or draw one. i think there were at least three more, but these are the ones i kept—nicole kidman in the portrait of a lady, linda manz in days of heaven, and montgomery clift in the heiress. because this was also a period of (i think it’s fair to say) obsession with dates, and with keeping a record of everything i did in a way that now feels completely alien to me, i know that i watched these movies and made these sketches on, respectively, september 6, 2003; september 7, 2003; and august 1, 2004.